Two women sit in a white van. They're wearing masks
and dark clothing, and they are arguing.
"I TOLD you, I'm Miss Pink", said the tall blonde.
"NO! I'm Miss Pink, I bagsied it first", retorted the red head.
"You can't be Miss Pink, you never wear pink!"
"Irrelevant, I said Miss Pink first, I'm being Miss Pink. And it's my van."
The blonde glared for a moment, then capitulated. "OK, but I'm being Miss Glittery Purple then."
"OK, Miss Glittery Purple, that's fine."
The van door was pulled open from the outside, and a dark skinned woman with black hair, wearing jeans and a white T shirt, stared in.
"SHUT UP! We're not using our real names, at all. I'm Miss Pink!" said the redhead.
"And I'm Miss Purple .... Miss Glittery Purple" the blonde informed her.
"Oh, I see", muttered the dark girl, in a I don't see at all sort of way. "In that case, I'll be Miss Olive."
Misses Pink and Glittery Purple paled, but it was too late to change their minds. They glared at 'Miss Olive' as she pushed onto the front seat of the van, forcing Miss Glittery Purple to the middle seat. Miss Pink made a desperate attempt to regain ground. "I'm going to be Miss Pink Khaki!" she announced.
At last, the van rolled into the secret filming location for the new Manics video. Miss Pink Khaki killed the engine, and the windows were wound up tightly. They settled in for a long wait. After an hour, a side door opened, and a short, muscular guy in a tight white T shirt sidled out, looked around, and lit a cigarette. Instantly, both doors of the van opened, and Misses Pink Khaki and Purple Glitter burst out, whilst Miss Olive went to the back door and pushed it open in one swift movement. As the Pink and Purple duo grabbed an arm each, the guy rolled his eyes to heaven and said "Not again!"
Only half-struggling, he was pushed into the back of the van, where Miss Olive was sitting cross legged against the cabin seats. "Hi James, nice to see you again..." she said.
"Oh shit, it's NOT the JDBAS!" cried James.
"Oh, those two are, but I have my own agenda ...." James skittered on all fours to the back of the van, but it was too late, Pink and Purple had locked the back door securely down, and it couldn't be moved from inside. James heard the front doors open, and tried to get past Miss Olive, who reached out to the side of the van and retrieved a small riding crop, a swift slash across the back of the hands was enough to convince James to leave escape attempts until a later date.
"Are you OK back there my darling?" enquired Miss Glittery Purple.
"Fine thanks, and James is learning a valuable lesson too ..." replied Miss Olive, with an evil grin.
James back pedaled, until he was leaning against the wheel arch. "It's definitely you isn't it? I thought you'd left the country...." he whispered. He was pale, and had broken out into a mild sweat.
Miss Olive winked at him. "Oh yes, it's me. I've not changed much in the last ten years have I? I've kept MY figure, at least..." James winced, as Miss Olive advanced on him, sitting opposite him, and reaching over to gently caress his belly. "This is new, but I do like it ..." she confessed.
"The restraining orders .... the prison sentence ...... the 24 hour security I hired ...." he stammered.
"Oh yes, those security boys were lovely, and I learned so much from them .... and the ladies in that prison." Miss Olive's eyes were bright and very focused. James glanced at the front of the van.
"There's no point screaming for help James, these two are confirmed JDBAS, on their first kidnap mission, they think I'm a Nicky girl helping them out of the goodness of my heart. They won't let you go until they're satisfied." James managed a wry smile, this was the fifteenth time he'd been kidnapped in the last three years, and he was familiar with the script of the JDBAS. Nicky and Sean had stopped worrying about his short disappearances, and were relieved that they didn't seem to have their own AS's plotting to kidnap them. He stopped smiling when he saw the look on Miss Olive's face. He started to protest.
"OK, I apologise, I should have treated you better. So, I was a bit insensitive, but I was young, all the girls wanted me .... I was very young! And I never made any promises!"
"James, you have no bloody idea! You made me ONE promise, to show me a good time, and I'm yet to have it. You passed out on me!"
James stared at her. "Is that what all this has been about? The stalking, the letters, the knickers in the post? I passed out on you once? And you've been following me ever since?"
"James, you made a promise, and you are going to deliver."
He glared at her. "This is hardly a romantic location ..." he challenged.
"Neither were the gents toilets at Euston Station, honey, but you were keen until you keeled over. Sudden rush of blood to the naughty bits was it?"
Miss Olive opened the large crate in one corner of the van, and pulled out a pile of quilts and pillows. "In honour of our ageing bones ..." she explained, smiling at James. "Although you've brought plenty of padding to the occasion anyway ..." she muttered to herself.
"I'm NOT fat!" he scowled darkly, his expression producing a minor explosion in the knickers of Miss Olive, who smiled seductively and began to undress. James watched with awakening interest, beginning to remember the night he'd met her, before the stalking started. He'd forgotten that he'd chatted her up in a pub before inviting her to the gig, but it was all coming back to him now. Trust him to fancy a loony who wouldn't leave him alone. Still, if she said all she wanted was complete satisfaction, who was he to argue?
Miss Olive's face lit up like the first night of Blackpool illuminations, finally, after all these years, all the trials and barriers between her and James, she was going to get what she wanted.
He'd already pulled off his t-shirt, and his tanned upper body exerted an irresistible attraction over her, she moved closer, naked already, grabbing the waistband of his jeans as his hand moved fast down his fly, so fast and furiously eager that buttons flew across the metal floor of the van. She pulled at his jeans as he helpfully arched his back, lifting his backside off the pile of quilts, and wriggling a little until he was naked except for his socks. Miss Olive sat and stared at the treat that awaited her, as he smiled wickedly and leaned back on the quilts, the perfect man, willing and ready to make good on his promise of so long ago. Only pausing to rip off his socks, she sighed happily, and wriggled towards him, taking his cock in one hot hand and reaching up with the other to pull him close enough to kiss. As their mouths met, an outraged shriek came from the front of the van.
"She's not fucking guarding him! She's fucking fucking him!"
Miss Pink Khaki and Miss Glittery Purple pulled open the back doors and stared at the scene. "Well, you've done it now! We'll have to take him to hospital!" cried Miss Pink Khaki. "And you! You lying strumpet! You promised you didn't fancy him at all! Well, get dressed, you're walking home."
Miss Olive dressed slowly and regretfully, looking longingly at the silent figure stretched across the floor of the van, before stepping down from the back of the van and starting the long walk home down the deserted country lane.
James's eyes flickered for a moment, then opened. He smiled uncertainly at the two masked women. "JDBAS?" he asked. "Yes" they replied. He sighed happily. "Thank god for that. Take me somewhere, shag me senseless, feed me, get me drunk, take me home. You know the drill." He passed out again, and the women smiled under their masks, covered him tenderly with the quilts, and got back in the cab.